Forgotten Past...[Writing]

An old starter / writing from the past when my creativity was at a high point
(song pairing:https://youtu.be/QbNEIQvgIdg)
 
Few people could say they’ve seen their own grave. Maybe they were the one in millions that was falsely designated as dead or maybe they played some twisted trick on their friends and family. For River,  it was a nightmare each time. The cold winter wind blew on the gray day. Among the scattered tombstones of the fallen, a crowd in black gathered to mourn. A portrait of a young kid, not even in his prime stood beside the handmade casket.
 
Standing beneath a willow tree, a man cloaked in dark stood, watching the crowd. His eyes gazed upon the elderly woman beside the sorrowed man, cuddled together in comfort of this dreaded event. Closing his eyes, he sighed deeply and his hand tightening and loosening its grip. He opened his eyes and continued watching. He saw many young kids among the group, and many adults. The man’s heart stopped and froze, his thoughts lost in the clouds of memories.
 
Two months prior
It was graduation day for Pencer High School. This graduation was the final one that some students would go through or be the stepping stone for further accolades in their future endeavors. Standing in line to follow the students and go through their seats as rehearsed, the short haired man held a saddened expression, practically blank. Ignoring the words of students talking in line about what they’d do later on after the ceremony, he continued on taking each step and looking up at the crowds, smiling forcefully.
Time passed and he soon took the stage. Meeting the gaze of a beautiful blonde woman, he kept his façade. He took the picture and paused, interrupting the ceremony. He took to the podium, speaking nonsensically to the students and crowds. Muttering words of “life is short and live it to what you want. But cherish the memories you make between those you love.” Then, only a scream rang through the auditorium.
 
The sound of thunder broke the silence of the moment, waking the man from his daze. Rainfall dropped rapidly, drenching everything. The parents cried out in anger, cursing at God for doing this to their beloved son’s final day on earth.
 
“Why? Why out of all the days? Didn’t you take enough from us…!?” the mother sobbed.
 
The rain poured down harder, as if matching the mother's’ scorn. The burial had to be stopped. The crowd dispersed quickly, taking shelter. All but two remained. The young blonde stood drenched, her tears never ending like a cascading waterfall. Her voice barely audible from the thunder and rain, the man under the tree could barely read her lips. Why? That was what he read.
 
That was the question that he asked himself so many times. “Why indeed, Rafael—no, not Rafael any longer; it is River…” Licking his lips, River prepared to approach the girl, only to pause tightening his hand, shaking. “No…she wouldn’t even understand my words. What I went through with her is something completely different from what she went through. I’ve no right to intrude in her life anymore. I am no longer a part of it…”
 
Turning away he walked feeling the rain pounding away at his jacket. Turning back on last time to the girl, he smiled. “Least I could make you happy for the few years. May you find your true love.” Getting into the old beat up truck, the man sped off, leaving the cemetery.
 
As he drove, River found himself obsessing over his past. How many times has it been since he died? He lost count in the thousands. He lived through the dark times, war times, and modern times. But even with all he experienced and all the joys he had in the lives he took over, he felt empty, and alone. Destined to be bound to death, River as he now called himself, found a sense of comfort in it. He remembered everything that day, and like all the other times, River felt a sense of safety, like someone or something was looking over him that day. He’d chase death to seek that comfort. It was familiar, yet he couldn’t recall why.
Who or what had given him such comfort in a time that was of great despair? He tried to look through the crowd, unable to see if anyone had met his own gaze.
River was smitten with the feeling, yet when he came to this body, he felt another feeling he dreaded, utter loneliness. It took some time to re-acquaint himself with the body, but after thousands, it was a quick adjustment.
 
He looked at his reflection in the mirror. He was in the body of someone in the prime of his life. Though he despised it, he knew he had no say in what age of the body he seemingly took over. River found resolve, as he always did with a new life. This time for sure, was always the thought in his mind. I’ll be alone and won’t go through this. I’ll live a long life and just die alone. His thoughts fell to silence. He preached solitude yet he knew better. Something was missing.
 
Years passed since that burial. Growing fully used to his body, River settled in a quiet mountain town, living out his life alone. All this time he had done it, spending his time alone, without the love or interruption of any kind. He succeeded, he thought. Solitude had once again become his eternal partner. But fate, destiny, karma, whichever of the three that despised him so much to place this affliction upon him, had other plans.
 
Stepping out of his apartment with the wind blowing against the hairs of his grown beard and his hair swimming with the wind, he continued onward. What life had in store, what plans it had for him. He didn’t care. The empty shell he carried echoed with each footstep.
 
It had begun again; a new woman entered his new life.